If any of us become famous painters, film makers, photographers, illustrators, et cetera, we have to hide lemons in all our works. It’ll be our inside joke and it’ll confuse historians for centuries, okay? Okay.
Tracks
do he got the booty?
no
why are blonde jokes so short?
so men can remember them
this took an unexpected turn
Not if you just asked for directions.
(Source: sendificator)
so i typed this up in a wordpad
and i found a printer (one of my neighbours)
and i
printed some
i just did more
omg i just heard someone next door scream “WHO IS DOING THIS”
i wonder if they can HEAR ME LAUGHGING
NOW I’M DONE
THIS IS THE LAST ONE
THIS TIME
I AM DONE THIS TIME
NO. DO MORE. PLEASE. IT IS HYSTERICAL.
The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
JESUS CRUST.
JAM IT!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
HES BREAD JIM
JESUS CRUST
(Source: secretsbest)
Don’t even blink blink and you’re dead
(Source: bevardiva27)
OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED
holy shit i have been waiting for this since middle school
I have to say, my favourite Hatter is Andrew Lee Potts.
I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS
IM STILL SCREAMING
(Source: vulcanswag)
I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I’VE QUOTED THIS WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING
(Source: babyafrican)
